So, I made it! For the first time in many years I felt the fear and did it anyway. And we're talking feel like you're going to die fear. Walking across the tarmac every single fibre of my being was shouting, 'run, run and don't look back'. As I walked up the stairs and into the plane I was shaking uncontrollably all over and my heart was beating so loudly that I literally could not hear myself think. Once on board I turned to the flight attendant and said, 'I don't think I can do this'. It was getting hard to breathe. I stood there for a little longer knowing that the rest of my family was already on board willing me to tough it out but respecting my need to do it on my own terms. Suddenly I had one of those 'life flashing before your eyes' moments where I realised that if I didn't take this flight it would be the beginning of a long string of other things I would never do in my life. Before I knew it my legs were moving independently of my body and was walking towards my seat. Other passengers were, of course, amazingly understanding, one older lady even offering to hold my hand across the aisle.
As the plane taxied out I shut my eyes and started to meditate something I was sure I wouldn't be able to do in such a heightened state of anxiety but I could and I did for most of the 2 hour trip. Coming back was better (the lure of home perhaps?) and I was only what I call 'normal person' nervous. I took my Rescue Remedy, listened to Respighi's The Pines Of Rome over and over again, the only classical music I had on my iPhone, and after some turbulence and circling (of course!) we finally touched down.
And look what I would have missed out on if I hadn't gone...
Sunset at Kurrawa Beach
Meeting this little fella on our balcony...
Seeing my family having the time of their lives...
...and of course cheering Bella on as she competed in her first School Aerobics National Championships. That's what got me there and that's what made it all worthwhile. The things we do for love.
